Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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