Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
