1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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