I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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