I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
