you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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