so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
