the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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