Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I want is dick and wine.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
