You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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