My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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