Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
