dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We need to rekindle our bromance
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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