i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
