yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
