i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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