do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So vagazzling was a success
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
