Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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