my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
