Just fell off a train. Bad.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
