didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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