I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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