Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
