i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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