You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
