so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
