well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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