I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
