She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
