I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
