when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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