I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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