he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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