god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's the barista slut.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
