so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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