I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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