please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
