Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
