I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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