She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
