I hate your face
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
