Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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