my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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