If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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