oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
