Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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