I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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