It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
