I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
