Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
honey bunches of taint.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
