it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
