It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
