What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
