Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
