I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
