all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
