You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
