A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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