I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
