I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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