Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
tell me about the eggs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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