I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
