my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
