the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
