I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
