I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
