I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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