she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
