peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
