I want you more than these girls want KFC
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
