benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
