I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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