I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
