He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
