bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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