she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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