I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
