So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
